Advent Longing

Advent has just begun. The crazy busy season during which we can find ourselves swept up in the consumerism swirling around us or expend extra energy to create an alternative experience that is less commercial and more spiritual. For Christians, we often feel pressure to juggle these opposing options  in order to find the True Christmas Spirit. There can be an earnest desire to find deep meaning during this season but it often is elusive. We cling to traditions and rituals in hopes that they will be conduits for present joy. We want our treasured memories of former holidays to be resurrected in the present, even if we are now seeing them through rose colored glasses. Countless hours are spent decorating, shopping, baking, cooking, attending parties and events, all in the name of Christmas. But what does this really have to do with Advent and Christmas?

Advent is supposed to be a season of anticipation and of waiting and of longing. We know that we are supposed to be reflecting on the birth of our savior. Emmanuel. God with us in human form. If we truly think of that, it is absolutely mind blowing. So why is it so difficult to stop and take even a few minutes to reflect on the birth of Jesus? Why does it seem that everything else grabs our attention more than that? Sure, we've heard the story hundreds of times, but could we possibly be bored by it?

I don't think that is it. I think Advent is still  saturated in our longing for Christ. But because we are living in the time between Christ's coming and his ultimate returning, we don't always understand our longings. We have a deep desire to feel at home, surrounded by those we love and free from all of our sins and the weight of the world. The decorating, shopping, baking, cooking and partying really reflect our desire to rejoice and celebrate in our eternal home with our Heavenly Father and our loved ones.  I think that in our deepest core, that our need to find God and our true home is what drives us to all of this activity. 

I think that in our attempts to experience and spread Christmas Joy and to love our friends and families and coworkers and neighbors we sometimes get a taste of what our eternal home will be like. We are blessed when we see delight in someone's face when they receive a special gift, or enjoy food that was lovingly prepared for them, or gaze on the beauty of candles and trees and twinkling lights or hear beautiful Christmas music. Often advent is the season when people are the most generous or thoughtful about those less fortunate. These can all be ways to prepare ourselves for our heavenly home. 

But, I do see the need in all of this busyness to set apart time to be quiet and focus on God. There is no substitution for actually spending time quietly in God's presence. Everything else we do can fall short if we neglect to immerse ourselves in Him. All God truly wants is for us to love Him and one another. To come home. To rest. To have all our longings met in Him. 

 

People of The Way. Or why the Camino might be more like church than church.

At church on Sunday, the sermon series called Windows on Community continued with a focus on the role of confession. The early church, also known as People of The Way (not unlike the pilgrims walking the Camino today), was encouraged by James to confess to one another. Confession in Greek means to "say out loud what is common to us".  Ian preached that in confession there is a breakthrough to true community. Sin shuns the light and isolates us from one another and God. In confession the light breaks into the darkness. By confessing our failures we promote authenticity, we invite and create room in our lives for God to heal us and for us to receive God's forgiveness and moves us to intercede in prayer for others.

It seems like there are so many benefits and blessings for ourselves and our communities in confession. So, why are we often so reluctant to share and confess honestly within our church community? What would make us feel motivated and safe to do so? Why do we feel the pressure to be viewed as having it all together and not reveal ourselves as the broken people that we all are?

I have written repeatedly about the relational aspect of the Camino and how quickly friendships and intimacy developed. I think that a huge part of that is due to the frequency of confession that people engage in as they walk together on their way to Santiago. There is a mutual understanding that as pilgrims we all are broken in ways and seeking a deeper experience of life. People are often eager to share with their fellow pilgrims the struggles in their lives. By naming their pain and shame and struggles out loud they are opening themselves up to healing and forgiveness and clarity. Whatever your issues are, the Camino often has a way of highlighting them and forcing you to examine them.  The acceptance the pilgrims  feel allows them the freedom to be honest, transparent. As pilgrims, we all have value and a place just as we are on The Way. Nobody has many belongings, the less that you can carry the better. Anyone can get blisters, tendinitis, twisted ankles, bed bug bites- everybody experiences some physical pain or discomfort. We are sharing our sleeping space, our bathrooms and our dining places together, submitting to humble conditions and very aware that our actions affect everyone else's comfort. I think this leveling of economic status and need to depend closely on one another also helps people to feel free  from pretending to be other than who they are. The fact that most of the other people will only be in one's life while they are on the Camino might help people with feeling like it is safe to reveal their authentic selves because what they say won't follow them back into their lives at home. It's the "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" freedom. But, I think the Camino actually becomes transformative for people when they have their true selves accepted. Having a taste of that on the Camino can lead them to want to experience that at home as well. They often realize how much their brokenness is universal and that by opening themselves up to others they create a safe place for others to be authentic too. This is something that we should be doing regularly in our church communities. If we want to encourage one another and draw people to Jesus, we can perhaps best do that by sharing our weaknesses and sins and pain with each other. God's grace and love and forgiveness will be able to flood into us and our community. 

Jesus' Camino

As I was walking the Camino, there were many times when Biblical stories or passages came to mind. For starters, almost the entirety of Jesus' ministry was done while they were walking. Walking from town to town around Galilee, through Samaria and to Jerusalem. His ministry was designed with that pace and lack of a home base in mind. Jesus taught as he and his disciples walked along. Sometimes when the crowds were gathered he stopped in an opportune spot and taught the masses outside. He dined wherever he was invited, slept where space was available. Jesus had his disciples and faithful followers with him but he was also constantly meeting new people. He had time for them because his schedule wasn't planned out and packed with meetings or to do lists. Jesus didn't have any schedule to keep. He knew that he had the ultimate destination of Jerusalem, which distance-wise wasn't that far. What was important along the journey wasn't the speed of their walking or the quality of their accommodations but rather that his disciples got to know him and grasp his love for them and the world. Jesus took the time to see into the hearts of those around him. He listened to them, asked them provoking essential questions, healed them, ate with them, taught them, wept with them and prayed for them. 

And sometimes he just needed to get away and be by himself. After a long day, he would often wander off to find a quiet place where he could recharge by being quiet and connecting with his Heavenly Father. Walking in the community of others and being attentive and compassionate with them was demanding. But what a gift it was to those he encountered, for his closest friends and with those that he had a single interaction. Jesus made himself available by simply walking around and being present to people. I've never had the sense that Jesus felt rushed or thought that anyone was not worth his time. He gave what was needed and then moved on. 

Jesus enjoyed the hospitality offered to him with graciousness that I'm sure blessed him and his hosts. Walking dusty rocky roads would have made him sweaty and dirty and in need washing.  He needed food and water and wine and a place to sleep. He might have needed new shoes or clothing or at least a little mending now and then. But not a lot more than that. Jesus kept his life and needs simple and basic. Not a lot of clutter or things to distract him from his mission of loving and redeeming the world. Jesus literally walked his talk. 

Being Content

Having been back for a little over a week now, I've been reflecting on both my time in Spain and how I'm presently feeling. A predominant sensation is that of feeling content. I think we often view the word "content" as a mild, pleasant word, but the Apostle Paul used it in Philippians 4 to sum up his experience of trusting and resting in God's provision in all circumstances that he found himself in. In that simple word he declares that God's grace is more than sufficient for anything life can throw at us- wonderful, horrific, amazing, challenging. At his core, joy is present because he knows that he is loved and redeemed by God. Circumstances change but God's redeeming love is eternal. He writes that he can do all things through God who gives him strength. I think what he is saying is that he has learned the secret of contentment, namely to rely not on himself but to always be completely reliant on God. God's power and grace and love will provide more than we need or can imagine. 

I had been thinking about this and then the horrific terrorist attacks happened in Paris. I thought that maybe I shouldn't write about feeling content when such terrible atrocities were occurring. We live in such a broken world. I do believe that it is only by God's love and grace and compassion flowing through us that we have any hope of reconciliation and peace. My heart goes out to all those who lost loved ones to this violence and feel full of fear and terror and grief and rage. I pray that in some way they will experience God's loving presence in the midst of their pain. 

Walking in Circles

I mentioned to a Camino friend the other day that I was going out for a walk. He said that it must be harder to be motivated to walk when you were going to end up in the same place that you started. That got me thinking about one of the differences between walking on the Camino and at home. On the Camino our daily walk always resulted in traversing new land and villages and scenery and finishing in a new place. It was always moving forward, slowly approaching an ultimate goal of arriving in Santiago. We didn't retrace steps or return to where we had been. We knew that if we wanted a photo of something that we had to stop and take it, we wouldn't have a second chance. We had to take time in the present moment for whatever we were experiencing, no second chances. There was a communal experience of all of us heading in the same direction, albeit at different speeds and stopping points.  We were all on the "Yellow Brick Road ", or more accurately the yellow arrow/shell camino. This was one of the primary elements that bonded us together.

At home, we are all going a million miles an hour in different directions. Our lives intersect with others, but often only briefly before we go separate ways. It was a very unifying thing to all be headed in the same direction with the same goal. 

Although at home I do essentially walk in a circle, returning to my starting point,  I actually don't find it harder to be motivated to take a walk around my beloved Emeryville Marina than to get up and walk on the Camino. It is a different experience to daily walk the same path, past the same landscape and returning to the place that I started than what I felt on the Camino. But I do love the familiar and I'm never bored or unmoved by its beauty. Of course, the bay trail that I frequent runs along the bay with views of the Golden Gate Bridge, the Bay Bridge, the Marin Headlands, the Berkeley hills and San Francisco. What's not to love! I find comfort and peace and joy in this familiar path. I notice the nuances of the clouds in the sky, the patterns of the tides, the migration of the birds and the changing leaves on the trees. I love greeting the regulars out walking and those that I haven't yet met. There is less sense of adventure than on the Camino, but a deep resonance with a feeling of being home. 

Finding the Words

I'm not really experiencing the reverse culture shock that I thought I might upon returning to the USA. Maybe it is because I didn't jump back into my old job and routines and the busyness of my life a year ago. It felt wonderful to go to church at First Pres and be welcomed by so many friends. A lot of people had been following me daily on my blog and were eager to talk with me about it. In some ways they probably had more contact with me through my words and pictures than they did when I was at home. I feel blessed to have such a loving community of people in my life.

I still find it difficult to try to articulate exactly what the Camino experience was like. It really is such a unique thing to be caught up in a flow of people from around the world all walking towards the same place, surrendering themselves to whatever the day brings as far as people and circumstances are concerned. Their lives outside the Camino have shaped them but in some ways are not relevant. The present moment is so much more important and dominate. There is plenty of time to talk and listen to anyone who comes your way. There is no other agenda besides making your way forward and finding some food and drink as needed and a place to sleep. So simple. 

The Camino strips away so many of the barriers which with we normally surround ourselves. We often conscientiously or unconsciously select who we want to befriend or have in our lives by criteria relating to economic status, social standing, ethnicity, age, appearance, education, tastes and affiliations. None of that really comes into play on the Camino. It might determine who you end up connecting closely with, but none of them matter for initial encounters. We are all Pilgrims first, all walking the same path to Santiago. Everyone has a story, everyone is broken, everyone is on a journey. That is our common bond. Our simple humanity. We need each other along the way. We're in this together even if our lives back in our homes are radically different. All day long we bless each other with the words Buen Camino.

Back in the Bay Area

I'm back in the Bay Area!  As much as I love to travel and have adventures, it is always good to come back home. This time there is a bit of a twist,  because I am renting out my condo for at least nine months so that I can have an income while I am unemployed. For the next bit I will be staying at my brother's in Livermore and in my neighbors guest room. So, not technically home, but as close as I will get for awhile. 

My re-entry has been fairly quiet to this point. Tomorrow I will go to church and see lots of friends, but so far it's just been my brother's family and my neighbor. I have been on several walks around my beloved Marina and have had a big Peets coffee. Hopefully I didn't overdo it with the caffeine. I slept great the past two nights- don't want to jinx that! I'm still mostly unplugged; no TV or newspapers or anything yet. 

Today I went to a gathering for people who did the Camino this year and for those who wanted to hear from them. I was hoping that some of the people from the Bay Area that I met along the way would be there, but unfortunately they didn't make it. My friend Ben who walked it last year attended and greeted my with a huge hug. I knew that he had been following along with my blog and reliving it to a certain extant with me.  It was fun and interesting to hear from others about their experiences. Quite a few of them plan to go again, maybe on a different route (there are a bunch of other ones besides the Camino Francaise). Part of me really misses being on the Camino too. I loved knowing that everyday I was going to meet new people, see new places and have the experience of walking. Maybe I will try to see if I can incorporate those things into my life here as well. 

I also enjoyed writing/ blogging every day. I think I will try to keep that up for the time being. I won't be in a foreign country, but I might be able to see life here through a new lens. I'm sure the lessons from the Camino will still be unfolding for me. There was a lot of movement and stimulus on the Camino. Perhaps this will be more of a time to Be Still. And Pay Attention. And Let Go. 

Puerta del Sol

I've been staying at a hotel near the Puerta del Sol. Most of the places tourists want to visit are within a 20-30 minute walk from here in one direction or another. The plaza itself is filled with people and entertainers. I stopped to listen to two guys playing musical instruments of some sort, maybe related to the harpsichord but played with mallets. They were really good. Another form of entertainment and a way for people to earn some money is by dressing up and posing in supposedly gravity defying ways. I keep thinking that they must get really tired of doing that for hours! 

I went over to the Mercado San Miguel which is an upscale food pavilion near Plaza Mayor. You can buy and consume all sorts of tapas and drinks there if you can actually get up to the counters and get your order in. I kind of have to work up the courage to jump in the fray. It can be intimidating in the crowds. The food /tapas are usually quite lovely to look at, but the flavors don't excite me much. I'm looking forward to doing some cooking of my own soon! One great little hole in the wall that is surprisingly good is a just down the street from me. It is called Takos and has really delicious tacos. I've been there a couple of times already. The tacos are only 1 euro each, a great bargain in Madrid. There is usually a line out the door and the seating is packed. I might go there again tonight.

More than just The Scream

My last day in Madrid turned out to be grey and drizzly. So, I made the most of it by heading to the Museo Thyssen-Bornemisza, a museum that opened in 1992. There was a fabulous temporary exhibit with 80 paintings by Edvard Munch. Before today I didn't know much of his work except for his widely popular painting The Scream. Turns out that there is a lot to like by Munch. 

This show reviews a wide spectrum of emotional archetypes through which Munch reveals various existential obsessions such as love, desire, jealousy, angst and death, and states of mind including melancholy, passion and submission. Each room was devoted to one of these emotions or states and included early works as well as late versions of the same topic. I loved having an exhibit arranged by emotional states. Such an interesting way to think about and focus on the meaning of his paintings. Most of the works had more than one figure in them and the emotions were portrayed both individually and in the relationships between them. 

Each room had the emotion written on the wall followed by a quote from Munch. I wish I had been allowed to take photos of both the work and the quotes. One quote was about the fickleness of emotions and how love and passion and desire can move to jealousy and rage and despair. I really liked the way he used color and the composition of his paintings. I'm so glad I decided to go to this museum today!

The permanent exhibit here is wonderful too, maybe my favorite in Spain. It ranges from late 13th C to the 1980 in scope.  Lots of Dutch and Italian works. I especially enjoyed seeing the Impressionist, Post Impressionist and German Impressionist sections as well as the Cubism, abstract art, Surrealism and Pop Art. I liked finding new paintings that I hadn't seen before by artists that I admire.

Homeward Bound

My adventure in Spain is almost over. I'm ready to be homeward bound tomorrow. It will be so wonderful to see my family and friends. I can't wait to go to Berkeley Bowl and buy tons of fabulous fresh vegetables and cook some Amy food. It is wearisome having to eat out all of the time and I miss cooking. I'm looking forward to Peets coffee and Bay breezes. My brain is tired of trying to communicate in a foreign language that I don't know. The past couple of days I seem to be having more trouble coming up with the little Spanish that I do know. French keeps popping out, which isn't helpful at all.  Twice I have tried to order a cafe au lait, instead of the cafe con leche that I've been ordering for the past two months. On my day tour to Toledo I went with a group so that I would be able to meet some people. I did connect with two nice guys from Houston on the bus ride there, but they had arranged only for the transportation, not the tour. At lunch I was put at a table with a lovely older Spanish couple from Andalusia who didn't know a word of English. It was just the three of us. We attempted numerous times to try to communicate but it was virtually impossible. Let's just say it was a painfully long and quiet lunch, the opposite of what I was hoping for. If they had been younger I wouldn't have felt bad about pulling out my phone or a book, but there was no way that was going to be appropriate. I actually think it would have been delightful to talk with them if we could have understood each other. Oh well, I survived. And yes, I'm REALLY looking forward to speaking in English! 

Although I have been posting blogs and getting a little email, I've been unplugged for over two months. I haven't watched any TV or movies or listened to the radio or read a newspaper. I haven't looked at news online and I have no idea what has happened in the past two months. I'm sure that re-entry will be a shock to my system. I remember when I returned from a three month stint in Paris that it felt like all the media was yelling at me trying to get my attention. I guess I will have to figure out how much to plug back in when I'm home. 

I'm not sure what the future holds, but I know that I want to spend a lot of time with the people that I love. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful community of friends and such a loving family. See you soon!!!

Not So Holy Toledo

Toledo is filled with fabulous cathedrals and churches and monasteries and the art of El Greco and Goya and other great artists is everywhere. I know I only saw a portion of what was there. But in addition to that, there is a very lively trade in swords, Lladro figurines, marzipan treats, inlaid silver and gold jewelry and more. Lots and lots of touristy shops. I even found displays featuring the Lord of the Rings. I don't think Toledo had anything to do with that, but they make a lot of cool swords and the folks in Middle Earth liked swords too. I also was amused by a display for marzipan sweets made by nuns, demonstrated by some dolls.

And for the more adventurous, there is now a zip line over the river. I didn't have time to do that unfortunately! Actually, I did enough zip lines in Costa Rica to last me a lifetime.