Carrying your fears

I recently re-watched a documentary about the Camino called, Walking the Camino: Six Ways to Santiago. It follows six people from different countries as they walk to Santiago. It is said that everyone has their own camino.  Each person's story and struggles and insights are a unique mix for them, yet all the elements are commonly found on the Camino. Everyone experiences the pilgrimage differently, but it turns out many of us need to learn the same lessons. One almost universal lesson is about the extra baggage we

carry around with us all of the time. This baggage becomes a tangible reality when you are carrying it on your back. In the documentary, one person says that we "Carry our fears."

 We bring lotions and potions and ace bandages and extra clothes and sleeping bags and gadgets just in case we get hurt or bit by a snake or bored or the weather is horrible.  All of that adds up to a lot of weight to carry with us. A lot of it seems necessary and prudent.  We always hear that it is wise to be prepared (the good old Boy Scout Motto). I guess I am trying to find the balance of thoughtfully preparing well and just trying to cover any possible difficult or painful situations that might or might not occur. Most people end up leaving items at the hostels along the way or mailing extra things to Santiago. They realize the inherent freedom  in carrying less and trusting that they can cope with or be given what they need as the situations arise. I am sure that this will be the case with me.  I wonder which items I will decide to remove from my backpack before I leave and which things I will let go of as I walk. I wonder what new sense of freedom I will feel when I learn how little I need to survive and thrive. 

I think that in our society we often accumulate lots of things to help us feel secure and in control. We don't want to be bored or disconnected or out of the loop. We think peace of mind can be purchased. Sure, some things can bring us some security, but we actually have a lot less control than we think. 

In Luke, Jesus tells his disciples to not be anxious about their lives, about what they shall eat or drink or wear. For life is more than food and the body more than clothing.  God takes care of the birds of the air and he will take care of you as well. And he says, "Which of you by being anxious can add a cubit to his span of life?  If you are not able to do as small as a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?"

I want to live with the knowledge that I am loved and cared for by God. I want that delicious freedom from anxiety and the need for control. I want to walk with open hands to receive whatever blessings God has in store for me. I know that blessings often come packaged with difficulties and challenges, but I welcome that as well.

The apostle Paul learned this lesson amongst much hardship and he writes in Philippians 4:4-8: 

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let all men know your tolerance. The Lord is at hand. Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

So, I am going to try to let go of things that weigh me down, that are oppressive and not meant to be carried, and instead open my mind and heart to the goodness and blessings from God and those around me.

Thoughts on Pilgrimage

As I have been preparing for the Camino, I have read many books and seen movies and videos of other peoples' journeys there. One book referred to me by my neighbor is called The Art of Pilgrimage by Phil Cousineau. He writes about pilgrimage in general; taking wisdom from many noteworthy writers, philosophers, artists and saints.

He writes: "Integral to the art of travel is the longing to break away from the stultifying habits of our lives at home, and to break away for however long it takes to once again truly see the world around us.  This is why "imagination is more important than knowledge," as Albert Einstein noted, and why the art of pilgrimage is the art of reimagining how we walk, talk, listen, see, hear, write, and draw as we ready for the journey of our soul's deep desire."

"Reading old travel books or novels set in faraway places, spinning the globes, unfolding maps, playing world music, eating in ethnic restaurants, meeting friends in cafes whose walls hold the soul-talk of decades- all these things are part of never-ending travel practice, not unlike doing scales on a piano, shooting free throws, or meditating. They are exercises that help lure the longing out of the soul and honor the brooding-over of unhatched ideas for journeys."

"But the oldest practice is still the best. Take your soul for a stroll. Long walks, short walks, morning walks, evening walks- whatever form or length it takes. Walking is the best way to get out of your head. Recall the invocation of the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, who said,"Above all, do not lose your desire to walk: Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness; I have walked myself into my best thoughts." As if in his footsteps, Frederich Nietzsche also remarked, "Never trust a thought that didn't come by walking."

And so, I choose to walk. I have always enjoyed walking daily. But now I am about to take the longest walk of my life. I hope you too will have time in your life to walk daily and reap the benefits for your souls!

Packing Up

Hello family and friends!

In just under two weeks I will be setting out on a new journey.  I am headed to northern Spain to walk 550 miles along the Camino de Santiago. The Camino is an ancient pilgrimage route that has been traversed by millions over the past 1200 years. There are many paths from all over Europe to Santiago, the revered resting place for the bones of St James. I will be walking along the most popular route called the Camino Frances, named thus because it begins in the French side of the Pyrenees. My hiking partner Julia and I will be starting on the Spanish side of the Pyrenees in a village named Roncesvalles. From there we plan on walking the 500 miles to Santiago and then continue on to the edge of the continent at Finisterre.  God willing, of course. After that, we should have several more weeks to go explore other parts of Spain and maybe Portugal.

As I have been preparing for this journey, I have realized how much I need to let go of control of my plans, my timetables, my expectations and preconceptions, my belongings, my job, my finances, my health and even my home. I still need to actively be involved in these areas of my life, but I need to hold them loosely so that God can direct me in beautiful and creative ways that I would not have been able to envision. Over this past year I have experienced grace and abundant blessings in places that initially seemed dark or doomed.  I have received such a generous outpouring of love from family and friends. My heart brims with gratitude when I reflect on the love which with they have continually blessed me. I pray that I can pay that forward by listening to, caring for and loving those I meet long my way.

Part of my preparations for leaving on the Camino has been going through all of my belongings in order to rent out my condo while I am gone. I had more time on my hands then usual since I left my job of 18 years. I figured it was a good time to tackle the possessions that I had been accumulating over the past 20 years or so.  It was a bigger and more demanding task than I had anticipated. I dutifully went through all of my correspondence, every closet and drawer and cupboard, under the bed and the piles of books and things that I had somehow managed to shove one place or another. As I sorted through things, I made many trips to drop off clothes and shoes and purses at Goodwill, gave things to friends and family members, lots of things to trash and recycling and shredders and made decisions on what to pack up for my future use. It was exhilarating to free myself from the abundance of things that had come into my life. At times I was appalled at how much stuff that I, one middle class American woman, owned. It was sobering as I reflected upon how little most people in the world own. That definitely made it easier to get rid of things. Part of the experience was an emotional walk down memory lane as I read through old letters and cards and looked at old photos. I let the emotions wash over me and fill me with their memories.

The other part of packing has been getting all of my gear together for the Camino. So while I was busy getting rid of as much as possible, I was also spending a lot of time and money at REI. I didn't own anything that I would need for my pilgrimage. It is an interesting task to try to see what you really need for a 3 month trip when you have to pack it all in one backpack which hopefully doesn't weigh more than 17 pounds. I am pretty sure that no matter how carefully and conservatively that I pack that I will find that I have more than I need. Most pilgrims realize they are carrying extra items and either leave things for others to use or mail them ahead to be held for them in Santiago.

I hope that I will be able to post blogs fairly frequently so that I can share my pilgrimage with you.  Ever since I first started talking about walking the Camino there were people who were  excited for me and wanted to be connected to my experience. I hope that I can write in such a way that you feel like you are journeying along with me. No one does the Camino alone, even if they don't have any preset Camino partners. It is a communal experience along the paths, in the albergues (pilgrim hostels) and in the bars (cafes). Although there will be plenty of times for quiet, reflective contemplation, it is a communal journey.  I am very excited to be meeting people along the way from all over the world. I also know that I will feel like I am being held and supported by my friends and family back at home. Blessings to you all.  And as they say along The Way, Buen Camino!